Disappointing
by Momosportif
Summary: One of my earlier SamCham fics. A twist on the "third person hears loaded out of context conversation" plot device. Fuu and Momo get to the bottom of what Jin and Mugen are REALLY doing in the forest with a flair only Fuu and Momo have. Watanabe's peeps.


"Disappointing."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Your form, obviously. I completely overestimated you."

Fuu's eyes narrowed at the dueling tones. She couldn't leave those self-destructive dipwads alone for more than two seconds without all hell breaking loose.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Have you no originality? Then again, point in case."

"Are you calling me unoriginal?"

"I believe my statement was rather direct and simple enough for even the most vacant of audiences to comprehend."

"Bull shit! All of it!"

Entire body expanding with irritation seconds away from exploding, Fuu sized herself up, preparing to call out her companions for trying to kill each other in her absence, only to deflate at the sound of Jin's voice sternly intoning,

"If this behavior continues, I am going to insist that we switch again."

"Yeh."

_Did he just say what I thought he said?_

"Don't get cocky though… it could be harder than you think."

_He definitely just said what I thought he said!_

A short sigh introduced the repetitive rebuttal, "Disappointing, once again. I do not doubt my evaluation."

Fuu sank to her knees on the pebbled path, blinking.

"Well, do you wanna go again?"

Momo crawled out of her kimono, curiosity piqued by this abnormal behavior. She ran a thin finger over his head absentmindedly.

"Hm."

"What's that?"

"_Hm_."

"Eheuh?"

_Mugen…_

"Do you wanna or not, uh?"

_and Jin…_

"You really musn't be so hasty."

_are…_

"It makes you seem terribly needy."

_They're…_

"You're just tired, you asshole! Stop trying to make it my fault all the… hmp!"

_they're…_

"Well?"

Fuu put her head in her knees and squealed as quietly as she could.

Momo ran down the back of her kimono in alarm, popping out of her left sleeve after she seemed well and done. She rose slightly, blushing apologetically at the most dependable member of her entourage before focusing conflicted tawny eyes on the boulders and bushes concealing her unwitting entertainment.

It was bad of her, she knew, but since the very first time they had all met, she couldn't help but notice the peculiar, albeit violent, chemistry between the two swordsmen. A small part of her (that had swiftly and shamelessly grown to an appalling majority) had been secretly pulling for something – anything – that might serve as a catalyst for intimate encounters.

Really, truly, it made her sick; the thought of wishing that two people she knew, might even go as far as to chance calling friends, would, in simplest terms, throw each other to the ground and swear their eternal love for each other before engaging in racy activities she could (and did) only vaguely imagine.

The list of unflattering adjectives she could come up with to describe herself was endless, and yet, despite supreme regret, she knew better than to question her instinct. After all, was this not proof that something really was going on between them? Justification for all of the hours she had spent analyzing every incriminating detail, no matter how infinitesimal?

"Well what?"

"Well, well."

Yes, she confirmed inwardly, cupping Momo in her palm as she rose to her feet with an unnecessary ferocity that would have drawn strange looks had she not been alone, yes, it was.

"Are you done with all your screwing around and wasting time or not? I've waited longer than you deserve."

"If that's what we're calling it, yes."

Of course there was only one reasonable thing to do now.

"Come on then!"

And that was to spy.

"Much better! Your timing is whack."

"My timing is _sensible_."

With the utmost care, Fuu removed her sandals and stepped softly off the gravely path, minimizing its grating response with carefully placed steps.

"Yours on the other hand…"

"Is _natural_! You keep acting like there's rules to all this or something!"

Upon reaching the grass, she dropped, intense frown of concentration in place, and rolled abruptly to the brush.

Momo escaped being crushed with mere seconds to spare, soaring form his cozy crevice to a particularly massive stone behind which Fuu's head cautiously rose moments later.

"The longer this goes on, the more I believe I ought to make some," lamented Jin with a threatening edge.

Momo and Fuu's boulder was at the top of a sharp but short drop-off that leveled off to a seemingly endless expanse of moderately thick forest. From her vantage point, Fuu could identify Mugen's rosy jacket and the sheer, ebon surface of the back of Jin's head roughly twenty-five meters away.

Her pout stiffened. This was going to be tricky maneuvering.

"There you go talking like you're the authority again!"

"It is simply a result of you consistently allowing me the upper hand. If you find it offensive-"

"I do!"

"-I'll be sure to do it more frequently."

"Figures that the most conversation I can get out of you is all cocky bull, hm!"

Fuu, sandals in hand and hair tucked into the collar of her kimono to prevent untimely snags, had successfully navigated the hill in silence and was well on her elbow-and-knee-powered way to what appeared to be some sort of a clearing the objects of her more-than-fraternal fantasies had found.

"An ironic observation, in more ways than one."

"Ha! That was actually kind of funny… maybe I should stop worrying about that stick up your ass so much."

"Let's stay on task, please."

"I am! It's an important factor!"

This protest nearly caused Fuu to make a fatal error and snap a low-hanging branch as she flailed out of embarrassment at having heard such a thing.

The implications…!

After a few beats spent recovering in fetal position, she ventured on, targeting a stout stump more than five paces from the floral alcove.

"Hn."

A clang of steel echoed through the trees, muffled quickly by the-

_Wait, what?_

A clang of steel? She sat up, expression shifting only slightly as concentration changed to consternation.

"What?" she yelped indignantly.

"Fuu? What the hell are you doing, creeping around in the underbrush?"

Mugen lowered his blade and bounded out to where the frustrated intrepid explorer sat, undignified to the extreme, arms crossed, and scowl betrayed.

"Hmf!"

Mugen scratched his head as she swung her head away from him, indicating a clear but motivation-less desire for him to drop off the face of the planet instantly. He glanced back to where Jin remained, austere as ever and evidently just as clueless of the source of this childish exclusion as he was.

"Look, we're not trying to kill each other, okay? And we're not trying to sneak off, at least not for the time being. Just trying to stay sharp, that's all."

"Hmf!"

Clearly, this was not the answer. Fuu stood, cast him an injured and vengeful look, and then stomped off towards the road, hair still loose and shoes still laced over her forefingers.

Mugen could do nothing but sigh in her wake. She really was a curious creature.

Shaking his head, he returned to the glade and stood for a minute looking out after her. As soon as the brush closed behind her fuchsia back, a tension in the air was released and both men sheathed their weapons.

"Good thing she didn't notice your kimono was inside out…" Mugen toyed with the garment in question as he spoke.

Jin took the offensive hand by the wrist and shrugged pale shoulders out from beneath the navy cloth before releasing it again so it could finish the task, pulling his usual adversary close and resting his chin on one faded ruddy shoulder to murmur, "Indeed. And to think I criticized _your_ form…"

* * *

Really, truly, it made her sick, sick with elation beyond her comprehension or control. Maybe it was just seeing the two pugnacious punks doing something other than grind at each others throats, or maybe it was reaffirming that men could be delicate and emotive at times. Then again, maybe it was just the satisfaction of having out-foxed the foxes, but all in all, it was a pleasant reprieve in a battle-to-battle lifestyle.

Fuu stretched in her perch above the scene of action, a tree she'd circled around to and mounted with no problem.

It was about time to let them off the hook.

Shimmying down the slender trunk, Fuu verily skipped off towards the path where she could still hear Mugen and Jin calling for her as they had been for the last half hour. She paused, smirking to herself at the justice of it all, to let Momo leap to her chest from some hiding place among the treetops before flouncing out onto the road as though she hadn't a care in the world.

"Fuu!"

"Fuu…"

"Where the hell have you been?" demanded Mugen aggressively while simultaneously making great efforts to sound as though he didn't really care.

Jin pushed his glasses up on his nose, a sign of expectation and barely constrained distress.

Loving every second and promising to never let either of them ever forget this moment, Fuu beamed.

"Disappointing."


End file.
